Since the pandemic started impacting Friends Schools in March 2020, Friends Council has been gathering heads of Friends schools together weekly for dialogue, resource sharing, and support. This fall, as usual, Friends Council gathered heads together virtually for our annual Fall Heads Retreat and deeper conversations together. Marc Frankel and Judy Schechtman, of Triangle Associates, facilitated learning and conversation on being a leader in the time of the pandemic, economic crisis, racial justice focus, and current election cycle. 

Frankel and Schechtman spoke with heads about the intense climate in which they are currently working and proposed a framework for adapting. In a nutshell, they advised heads to adjust and manage expectations for themselves and their teams, and to emphasize the importance of self-care for everyone.

“Since the pandemic began, we have been hearing statements like:
 “I have to be in every meeting.” “The risk is too great.” “I cannot find any off-schedule hours.”  We hear a lot about heads putting it on themselves to be super heroes, to be experts on plexiglass shields, sanitization, testing protocols, contact tracing – all the things we have had to learn anew,” said Frankel. “The number of stressors that have been in play, particularly for school heads, are legion. One can endure that if it is a month or two, but this is not going to end anytime soon. We want to help you think about your life and your headship in a way that is sustainable.”

In addition, “No one got a break this summer. No one got to step away. It was not an easy summer. Every one of you came into the fall at a stress level that we would expect to see right before winter break,” said Judy Schechtman. “There is a cumulative nature to all of this that concerns us. We want to talk about how to take care of yourself.”

 “Alter your expectations for yourself and for your team,” advised Schechtman. “A good day now is not what a good day was in January 2020; expectations for excellence look different now than they did 10 months ago, or a year ago.” 

“Faculty are having same struggle. It’s up to you to have the conversation and to model (self care). This helps your faculty understand what excellence in teaching looks like this year. Help your board understand what excellence looks like in leading this year,” said Frankel. “Perfectionism will be enemy of the good. Recalibrate your standards in light of what is going on.”

In small breakout groups, heads shared varying methods they are using for self-care. One head shared that he’s adopted the airline message “Attach your own safety mask first” as his mantra and took a long weekend in the woods hiking and camping as a way to rejuvenate and refuel before the school year started. Another head shared the technique of designating 30-45 minutes during the day as untouchable time for self-care; this head encourages the administrative team to do the same. Frankel and Schechtman shared the concept of short, frequent self-care techniques, such as taking deep breathing breaks, campus walks, and five-minute dance breaks.

A recurring theme was the importance of using quiet, reflective silence in a community of caring colleagues to help restore one’s spirit and stay grounded in universal truth. We are in a period of time when helping each other to stay alive, stay aware, and stay connected is the kind of excellence Friends schools seek.

Frankel and Schechtman underscored the critical importance of self-care during this time. “Finding what nourishes you is critical to maintain your capacity. Reflect on your life to identify those activities that build and restore your energy, and others that create mutual support.”

Triangle Associates has been an integral part of FCE’s Institute for Engaging Leadership and has presented at our Heads Gatherings in the past. We were honored to engage Marc Frankel and Judy Schechtman again for our October 2020 gathering.